I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do with Bodey. We are just now starting a VERY long uphill battle. And I fear we have about 20 more years of it ahead. I can't figure him out, don't know what to do, and need some serious help.
When Bodey was at Tots N Tales, we learned that he was a rule breaker. He pushes all limits. He opposes all authority. But he wasn't like this at home. I know his teachers didn't believe me when I told them, but it was true. But in a school setting, all hell broke loose. He never had good days. Only bad. I prayed about it, read books about it, but nothing helped. So I thought that the change of schools to his new preschool would be a good thing. That it might help.
Bodey was super excited to start his new school. And the first couple of weeks were great. But then I started getting notes from the teachers about his bad behavior. And then talks from the teachers. Bodey throwing fits when he doesn't get what he wants, threatening friends and teachers, talking back, throwing toys. You name it. My heart is broken. I don't know what to tell them, and they don't know what to tell me. He is the strong-willed child. And I feel like a failing mom.
My friends say that he is great for them when they watch him, he is typically good at home, he is great for Nana & Papa when he stays there. I have possibly figured out that 1) he doesn't like authority, 2) he seems to be worse when he is competing for full attention, and 3) no kind of discipline seems to work. We have tried grounding him, taking away all privileges, not letting him do the things he loves. Didn't work. We have switched that all the way around to telling him we are sad he had a bad day at school and we know next time will be better, so let's just have a positive rest of our day. And we have surrounded him with positive energy. Didn't work. We have started a reward system using dimes. Take them away for bad actions, earn them for good actions. Not really working.
Today was my last straw. I left him in child watch at the Y while I worked out. It was only 30 minutes. And the teacher had nothing good to say. Stealing toys from friends, throwing toys when he didn't get his way, telling his teacher to shut her mouth. Yes, that came out of my 4-yr old's mouth. And I was just purely embarrassed. I'm mentally exhausted from this. I went straight to the library to get yet another parenting book that probably won't work. I think I just need Super Nanny to come to the rescue.
10 years ago
7 comments:
Oh man Traci. I'm so sorry! It's so hard being a Mom. I don't have much advice to offer, I would also be at my wits end and probably cry about it every single day. The best thing we can do for our kids is love them like crazy. Is there an adjustment he is going through? Will he talk to you? Will he explain why he acts out? Sometimes Ethan will do crazy things and then when he feels like it, he gives us his explanation. Most of the time its a ridiculous explanation, but in his 4 year old mind it is 100% legit. Good luck! If it's of any comfort, I think you are an excellent Mom.
Aww that's so rough!
Hmm, have you ever considered (and I know this would be hard) taking him out of school and keeping him to learn? You could control the environment and I assume he does like school and that will contribute to his training?
Other than that, I'm clueless, I know some kids go through rough patches but hopefully this one is short!
Well, since Bodey is the strong willed-child, have you seen the book "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobsen? The book was recommended to me when Brady was in a really, really stubborn stage (although our problems were mainly at home, not at daycare/school). Anyway, I didn't end up reading the entire book, but I did read portions of it. I will say that it doesn't necessarily recommend spanking, but it does say that it's ok, so if that turns you off, it may not be a book that you want to read.
Sorry that you're having such a tough time! At least you don't have to worry about him being picked on (trying to see the positive here!)!
Aw friend, I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Just know that I support you in whatever you do, I'll tell you any new ideas that I hear of, and I love Bodey very much.
This will be okay.
Sorry your having such a rough time Traci! Try to remember it won't be like this forever! From a teacher prospective, it's really nice to have supportive parents that are willing to discuss and problem solve behaviors which is what your doing. Keep your chin up and keep loving your little guy!
Traci, I completely sympathize with you. I have similar things going on (defiance, tantrums, etc.) with my 12 year old. We've had troubles for years. We finally started therapy.
There is a thearpy for children, called Play Therapy. I am not sure how it works exactly. I know that children are taught to deal with their emotions and different situations through play. There are some programs in JOCO. Try googling it...
In my classroom, we do a lot of modeling of what kind of behavior is expected. I have my kinders who can make good choices model the correct things. Then the kinders that are stubborn model the incorrect behaviors first and then turn around and model the correct behavior. I draw on that when they aren't making good choices. I remind them they are capable of making the right choice and review the expectations. Some days, I model A LOT, but I always show that I have hope in my heart that my kinder can do it.
Hang in there. Completely embrace the good/positive moments. I'll keep you posted on other strategies to try.
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